Eventually, only the undead will walk the Earth

Hi all,

Not many people may be aware of this, but I am 100% convinced that the plague of the undead will strike in my lifetime. I have researched the matter and have always had various plans that I have forced Helen to listen to for no other reason then it is a high chance when they wake, she will be with me.

My research has included watching related movies, reading books (I own a Zombie survival guide, however Raymond Briggs “blowing in the wind” has also been interesting) and doing quizzes like these just to keep my skills sharp. http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=5349989821747660792

In Bonnerbrie, I was troubled. The area was far too built up, windows and doors were easily broken into and of course the through door that contacted us to upstairs. Oh, and not a real panic room to name. Bear in mind that if the undead did walk, albeit slowly, among us, it could take twenty years for them to be eradicated (or so I have read). Now, I assuming it would take twenty years for then to come up with a cure – but imagine if there isn’t one – that every time someone dies on their sofa unnoticed that they pop back to life days later hungry for blood.

Anyway, back to Bonnerbrie – the plan their essentially relied on me realising that full scale invasion was about to take place and convincing upstairs to let us move in (via the internal door – wouldn’t want to go outside in such a busy area). Anyho – plenty of chaps to do sleeping rotation with and probably many of them able to secure us in with various drills etc – but there were various major flaws:
• The children and Allie – no doubt will attract the zombies from miles around
• Poor security even with barricading us in
• Don’t know the lay out – they say if you hear an intruder in your property you shouldn’t turn the lights on as you would know your way around in the dark – unlike them. I think this is still altogether daft – if you have an intruder – GET OUT (unless it’s the undead – then your truly busted), ditto with fires as I told Maureen who kindly presented us with a fire extinguisher.
• Stocks etc – we/I keep a supply of dry and tinned food in for the day of reasoning – not sure they would upstairs.

Anyway, I really think we wouldn’t have lasted more then two weeks and as soon as it looks like we are a sticky wicket I would have committed suicide (more on suicide later).

Now we are in Grove Road Hall and Gardens, I am feeling a little more positive. Panic room is a major plus – although it is still at the design stage but at least we have the structure. Prison like shutters on all windows. This is only really going to buy us time – if they start smashing our windows they know we are in. In the small chance that someone reading this might become the undead, I won’t divulge our structurally weak point one™. But there is a fairly major one. Our other major weakness is the tenant upstairs. He could, if under the influence of post-mortal immortality, smash through our ceiling and come and get us. That really would be a buggar. If he did that then if anyone can get in to his flat, they can get to us. I wouldn’t make a bid for it because I don’t know the surrounding area.

What you need in a Zombie siege:
• Plenty of water – consider buckets, jars, baths, fridges put on their back – anything.
• Dry food and vitamins
• Weapons – ideally those that can be used at a distance. Failing guns, try spades, hockey sticks etc – see Shaun of the Dead for further guidance
• A suicide plan – but be careful not to make yourself a burden – take your head off. It really would be rude to put yourself out of misery only to them go on and add to everyone else’s problems.
• A motorbike – cars are a waste of time – but have a plan of where you are going and don’t even bother if you live somewhere built up – roads and paths will be blocked
• A good radio with batteries – keep up to date as god forbid the day the BBC goes off air!
• A plan – write it down, memorise it and destroy – only tell those you are likely to be caught up with (a note on ‘friends and family’ to follow) – remember zombies are homing species. If I get bitten there is nothing to say that I won’t come to you…….

Important Rules to keep in mind
• Avoid clichés – if you are peeping through a hole from your panic room, the moment you look away and then back again there will be an eyeball starring back. Other clichés: opening things whilst not looking. Generally opening anything – they get everywhere, the undead.
• Remember – they were once human and should never be underestimated!
• Don’t get sentimental – for example Helen knows full well that if she gets bitten, I’ll have her head off quicker then she can say “it’s only a little scratch”.
• Know your limits - also a good rule for DIY
• And for the love of dying and not coming back – DON’T GO OUT AT NIGHT!!!!



And in other news, flat going well, Allie took her maiden voyage outside ‘unleashed’. Garden looks like we have a mole on E in the area – but we are getting there. Looking forward to having a get together shortly.

Hope everyone is well,

Love

Kat xxxxx